Chapter 1: Loomings

Hey guys! The name’s Ishmael.

Here in NYC, there are a lot of dudes standing around staring out at the sea. None of them are sailors, but there they are staring at the sea. I don’t find this to be odd, do you?

I’m going to sea. I’m a doer not a starer. BOOM. Ishmael = Awesome.

But here are the jobs I won’t do on a boat:

  1. Commodore
  2. Captain
  3. Cook
  4. Any other “C” words
  5. Passenger (Ishmael be broke, mofos! Plus passengers always get sea-sick, which is gross.)

So I’ll be riding as a simple sailor, where bitches be payin’ ME, yet refrain from placing a whole lot of responsibility on my shoulders. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

P.S. If all the world’s a variety show, here’s how I think the bill would run:

  • “Grand Contested Election for the Presidency of the United States”
  • “WHALING VOYAGE BY ONE ISHMAEL”
  • “Bloody Battle in Afghanistan”

BOOM. Ishmael = Awesome.

  1. snarknotes1 posted this